Hopes, Fears, and Anxieties

Sunshine started his first day of mainstream Pre-K today and I think I might be just a bit more nervous than he is.  The experiences he had at the summer program we had him in showed us unforeseen problem areas.  I still didn't think some of them would be a big issue this year at "regular school" until I started filling out the forms and permission slips I got at the Open House last Thursday.  One of them is just a tiny slip of paper authorizing Sunshine to walk with his class off school grounds to places of interest in the town.  Essentially they are mini field trips.  I remember going on field trips to the library, the hospital, and the post office when I was in Kindergarten (which is essentially Pre-K now) and I loved it.  Had we not had the experiences this summer, I would expect Sunshine to love them too but now I know better.

It took months for him to stop having nightmares and panic attacks about "getting lost" after we adjusted his schedule and he no longer walked anywhere outside the center with his summer class.  I'm so torn.  I don't want to hinder his growth and development.  I know stretching the limits of his boundaries is a good thing to some extent.  But where do we draw the line?  When does it go from being a positive, beneficial experience to being traumatic and causing harm?  And how and when did I become a helicopter parent?  Does it qualify as helicopter parenting if your kid has special needs?  Have I pushed him into "special snowflake" status?

It's the first day of school and I've already emailed his teacher twice.  TWICE!  And it's just after noon.  My kid has already come home with a "bad report."   I'm almost ashamed (ok, I'm REALLY ashamed) to admit that my kid was the one spitting at the girls in gym.  MY KID was the problem child who refused to cooperate during class and do what he was supposed to do.  I'm just beside myself.  How the hell do you control your child's behavior when you can't be there?  I really don't believe that punishments for behavior that occurred hours ago is effective, but I can't just let him believe that we're okay with his actions.

A part of me wants to come down on him and come down hard for this crap.  He KNOWS spitting is wrong and rude and disgusting. I talked to him briefly on the phone and tried to get him to explain to me why he acted the way he did, but I don't think he understands the question.  What's more, I'm afraid the answer won't be something we can fix - like he was on sensory overload - and instead it's simply because he's being defiant because he doesn't want to follow the rules.  I can't begin to tell you the number of times we have told him that life isn't always fair and you often have to do things you don't want to do because that's part of being a family or part of being a member of society.  We may not like them, but the rules are there for a reason.  So how do you get a smart, autistic kid to understand and and accept this?

Any ideas?