Strangers in a Strange Land

I'm sitting here at the Kennedy Krieger Institute's Center for Autism and Related Disorders (CARD Center).  I'm in the waiting room while Sunshine is off with two of the doctors hopefully having fun and being evaluated.  One would think that being surrounded by children having tantrums and meltdowns and who have impulse-control problems, who are would be unnerving, but the longer I'm here, the more I find myself relaxing. And smiling.  There is something soothing about being around other kids whose behavior, speech, and mannerisms are so very like my son's.  It's a welcome change not feeling the constant urge to protect him from disapproving glares. To explain away his weird mannerisms. To shush him so that he's not disturbing others.  

Here, Sunshine can be his strange self without the pressure to act normal.  This is our third visit here and it's beginning to feel old hat.  I can spot the "first-timers".  The parents and caregivers who are still uneasy and feel the need to apologize for their child's lack of social skills.  They're the ones glancing around and quietly redirecting their oblivious kids from their awkward interactions with others.  Guiding their children out of other peoples' personal spaces.

It's refreshing to be in my element and to be in a position to offer a kind, reassuring word to these parents who are stressed out and uncomfortable and wary of other adults' reactions to their sweet babies.  To tell them, "I get it.  I get and accept your kid spinning and screeching and speaking in odd ways."  We're in this together.  You're in good hands here.  Your loved one is in good hands here.  For once, Sunshine and I are in our element with others just like us.  Strangers in a strange land named Autism.

Little update

Well, it hasn't been all bad.  It turned out Sunshine wasn't spitting so much as blowing raspberries at the other kids to get their attention.  Still, life with him is never dull.  He's had some days where he is spot on and gets a perfect behavior report.  Then other days....well, let's just say he has kissed a girl (and probably liked it), shoved another kid (because he wanted to be his friend), and chewed on another kid's shirt (I can only imagine what that poor kid must have been thinking).  

Last Friday, Sunshine had a panic attack almost as soon  as he got to school.  His teacher called me apologetically around 9:30 to say she had only been able to calm him to the point of sobbing that he was really sad and wanted his Gramma. The principal managed to get out of him that he was afraid of thunderstorms.  It wasn't until Sunday when I was driving to the north end of town (about a 25 minute drive) with both kids in tow and he had another panic attack that I was able to piece together what had triggered Friday's freak out.  

When he was at the summer program at the local university that I mentioned before! the classroom was set up much like his current classroom with the entire back wall being windows.  One morning, there was a particularly bad thunderstorm that hit while he was there and it scared him to pieces.  This was right  around the time he started developing a fear of storms anyway.  Well, apparently this past Friday, he noticed the sun disappear behind some clouds and it triggered his memory of the storm this summer when it got suddenly dark.  Once he began to panic, it just snowballed and he began thinking about everything else that scared him about the summer program including feeling lost because they went for a walk to the garden (which was outside the Child Development Center that we were initially assured the kids were never allowed outside the gates) and being afraid that me and his Gramma had abandoned him each day.  It doesn't help that Gramma is no longer able to stay with him at school.

The good news is that I was talking to my therapist yesterday about his anxiety and she assured me that what I've been doing instinctually is exactly what is recommended to help people snap out of a panic attack.