The Haves and the Have-nots

I've been sitting on this post for a while, but finally have the time to put my thoughts into writing.  If you've never read Autism Daddy's blog, you should. His post entitled Minorities, Late Autism Diagnosis, & IEP Meetings... is an eye opener.

I often have similar thoughts.  I live in the poorest county in our state.  The majority of people are lucky to have jobs and barely eke out a living.  Most parents are not highly educated nor do they think much of getting an education.  I sat at a Parent Advisory Committee meeting one night and heard a parent say (I kid you not), "I don't think kids should have to go to school after age 16 anyway unless they're plannin' to go to college."

When my son first started getting services at age 3, I was frankly shocked by how much and how often the teacher gushed about how wonderful it was that we were willing to be an active part of Sunshine's IEP team.  I was told that the vast majority of students' parents in special education never bothered to attend IEP meetings or even contribute information to them.  At first, I blamed the parents, but then I realized that most of them probably can't afford to take leave from work to make these middle-of-the-day meetings.  I'm sure most of them don't have the resources we have to take their kid to specialists like we do who help guide us through the complex, mind-numbing special ed system.

But what about the kids whose parents aren't educated and who just believe a good beating will set their child straight?  Sunshine is pretty high-functioning all things considered, but when he was mainstreamed at the beginning of this school year, he was struggling so much that he began having violent outbursts that increased in frequency.  When the teacher (who is a 20-year veteran teacher) approached us about the situation, there was a definite attitude that he was just "acting out" and I could tell that she expected us to take her expertise at face value.  She was visibly taken aback when we told her and the rest of the team, "What is causing these outbursts?  There has to be *something* triggering them.  Our son is not violent normally."  It took me a while to realize this wasn't the standard response they're used to getting from parents and it makes me sad that so many parents don't really advocate for their child.

We eventually got an IEP in place that works for Sunshine. We also have an IEP team who is genuinely willing to work with us and I know we're lucky in that respect.  He hasn't had a single violent outburst since it was implemented.  I'm not sure what is causing his current shutdown, but at least he's not being punished for his inability to focus and process information.  But what about his classmates?  The ones who do slip through the cracks? 

I can only hope that my educating the other team members on what makes Sunshine tick might help them gain a window into other childrens' behavior problems.