So Many Rainbows

This year - 2013 - is turning out to be such a happy year for rainbows in my loss group.  It's a weird kind of happy though because when you get pregnant again after a miscarriage, a part of you still mourns the baby that was while another part of you is excited and happy for the baby to come.

Certain dates are forever etched in your mind.  The date you found out you were pregnant, your due date, the day you learned about your loss, and sometimes the date of a D&C.  Then you have a whole new set of dates for the new baby and you don't know what to do when those other dates come around.  Do you openly mourn for the one you lost?  Then you're judged for being morbid or depressed and you're not a thankful pregnant woman (because God forbid you not be a happy, bubbly, shiny preggo!).  On the other hand, if you don't somehow acknowledge or feel a twinge of sadness at the passing of these dates, you feel like a monster - I mean, who just acts like everything is fine on the anniversary of losing a child?  It's confusing but one of the other moms posted a thought on Facebook the other day that the rest of us really liked:

"I believe that this baby was meant to be part of my life and

the other baby was meant to be part of my story."

So today I'm going to celebrate the positive - the rainbows meant to be part of our lives.  Today, the 10th rainbow in our little group will be born. The first rainbow to be born after my Rainbow came into my arms.  I can't wait to meet her (or at least see her picture)!  Happy Birthday, little girl :)

My, How Life Has Changed

I took a several-year hiatus from writing this blog.  In the interim I wrote posts on my LiveJournal account and kept most of them locked down.  Now, it feels like it's the right time to do some writing and put it out there for the world to see.  Who knows....maybe someone can find some peace from me sharing my life and know they're not alone.

First, I've renamed my blog after my kids.  My 4.5-year-old son I've always called "Sunshine." Even when he struggles with being autistic in this crazy world and lashes out...underneath all the anxiety is a sunny disposition, a wicked sense of humor, and intelligence beyond his years.  I've taken to calling my infant daughter (10 weeks today!) "Rainbow" because she is my rainbow baby.  For those not in the know, a rainbow baby is one born after the loss of a child - miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.

There's really too much to write it all down today, but I will begin sharing parts of our lives, how we deal with it - the good and the bad, and our joys and triumphs.  When we started out on this journey in 2006 (when we began trying to conceive - TTC), we had no clue what we were in for.  There are days when it honestly feels too hard to keep going but the future is uncertain and if there's one thing Hubby and I have, it's perseverance (and a lot of love).