I hope you won't think I'm being too forward in writing to you. I wanted to reach out because I have had the occasional pleasure of working directly with your son when I volunteer in our children's classroom and he is an exceptional, beautiful person.
You see, your son and mine have a lot in common. My son is autistic and I know yours is too. They are so similar in so many ways even though your boy is less verbal. My son started out there too, but where mine is boisterous and acts out when he's on sensory overload, your son crawls into his shell. I don't know if you know your son is autistic or not and I know it sounds bold of me to diagnose him so quickly. I see his beautiful mind being overlooked in school and I hope that my forwardness can help him in some way. My son has a one-on-one aide to help guide him through his day but your son is alone doing the best he can and it's pretty damned impressive what he is able to do on his own.
I know your child has an IEP because, like Sunshine, he is pulled out of class occasionally for services. My son has only been at this school for a few months so I don't have a feel for the Special Education teachers yet. I wonder if they discovered what I did the first time I worked with him.
Autistic kids have always had a special place in my heart and ever since my own son's diagnosis, I have read every book and blog written by autistic teens and adults that I can find. Some of the most powerful books that helped me understand my child were written by individuals who would be considered "low functioning." Several of them were totally misunderstood, overlooked, and failed early in their education by Special Education professionals who kept them practicing their basic alphabet and very basic words year after year because they were unable to communicate in a typical way. These kids became angry and frustrated because their intelligence was insulted every day. And I don't want to see that happen to your son.
The first time I met him, I was asked by our kids' teacher to work with a small group of four children who needed extra help working on the class assignment. One child was obviously intellectually disabled but tried her best (I've met her mom several times and she confirmed her daughter's diagnosis). One child obviously had attention problems. The third has difficulties though they're subtle. Then there was your son. He was quiet and never answered any of the questions I asked him. He appeared to be paying attention and trying his best to do the work though. He had trouble controlling his pencil but his scribbles looked like more than just random lines and circles. On a whim, I decided to try something I'd read about in one of the books I mentioned above. I moved around the table to sit next to him and as he wrote, I gently placed my hand over his to steady his movements. I can't begin to explain how excited I was when, with that small action, your son clearly wrote out the math problem he'd been given and answered it correctly.
The look on your son's face was priceless. I so very much wanted to hug him and let him know I understood that he was intelligent and capable when given a little support. A little while later, the Special Education teacher came in to pull your son out of class for some individual instruction. He grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye. I'm not sure if he was asking me to go with him or if he was simply saying, "Thank you," but that look has haunted me since that day.
I've seen him several times since then and he has a place in my heart. I've seen him overwhelmed and needing desperately to leave the chaos of the school play rehearsal. I told the substitute teacher that he really needed to go for a walk, but I knew I wasn't allowed to take him. Thankfully, she took my hint and took your son for a drink of water, then hung out with him outside the noisy gym until practice was over. My son's aide candidly told me one day that she agreed with me that your son could benefit so much from having an aide of his own. I wonder if you've thought to ask for one and if so, were you rebuffed like I was initially?
It's hard to advocate for our children and successfully navigate the complex world of IEP's. Then I sometimes wonder if you advocate just as hard for your son, but you're dismissed because of racism. I am very uncomfortable being so bold and I'm only reaching out to you because I know deep in my soul that your son can succeed in school with the right supports. If you need guidance in advocating for him, I'm willing to help you. If you just need a white witness with you in your IEP meetings to help combat racism, I'm here. I'm not saying that anyone on the IEP team is racist. I don't know any of them well enough to know one way or another, but I know that racism exists and the only way to stop it is for those of us with privilege to speak up on your behalf.
I really hope I haven't offended you with this letter. If you would like to talk - even just to have another autism parent to talk to - please feel free to call or email me.
Respectfully Yours,
Willow
Wednesday, January 06, 2016
Monday, July 13, 2015
Ch..Ch...Changes
I need to get better about posting more often. So very much has changed in a year. Most notably that Sunshine FINALLY got a one-on-one aide written into his IEP in December (just after his birthday). Also, we moved to a beautiful new house that's approximately three times the size of our old one in a neighboring county. Because it takes Sunshine so long to settle into a new school environment, Hubs and I petitioned to allow our son to stay in the school he's been in since he was 3 until the end of the school year. We ended up paying tuition but that was expected and we were happy to do so if it meant not disrupting his Kindergarten year.
After a few months of Sunshine escaping from his classroom, the IEP team readily agreed that he needed an aide. Because the county had to hire someone to fill this slot, but he needed the change immediately, his Special Education teacher (whom I will call Miracle Worker) spent her days by his side. We immediately saw a huge improvement. Miracle Worker earned that title fair and square. I've never seen Sunshine respond so well to anyone and she certainly taught me that humor goes much further with him than anger, seriousness, and threats. She also began customizing Sunshine's work based on his abilities instead of holding him back and boring him to death. By the end of the school year, he was consistently doing reading/comprehension at a 2nd grade level and was doing 1st grade Math. Occasionally he would ask to read something at the 3rd grade level and was doing pretty well.
One thing that just reinforced the idiocy of the No Child Left Behind/Race to the Top/Common Core testing is that Sunshine's teacher told me when she was testing him at the end of the year, he had technically answered a question incorrectly, but he gave a reason for his answer that not only showed he understood the concept the test was trying to ascertain his mastery of, but that he also thinks outside the box and was technically correct. She technically shouldn't have, but she marked that he answered it correctly. With so much focus on standardizing and computerizing tests these days, there is no longer any room for educators to take alternate answers into consideration. And that's a shame. I'm pretty sure the brightest minds that we know today didn't always find the easy or obvious answer. Bill Gates. Steve Jobs. Mark Zuckerberg. Stephen Hawking. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that none of them would have excelled in the current educational culture in our country.
Anyhow...
Now it's summer and it's the first summer I've spent being a SAHM. In some ways I love it so much and in others, I get why some moms can't wait to go back to work. Most of all I see a huge change in Sunshine and Rainbow. This past year he made so many friends at school. Yes, he has the kids who are the children of our friends, but they're not "his people." He misses the friends he made on his own and it's already occurred to him that he won't be seeing them again come September since he'll be transferring to the elementary school just a few miles from our new house. We took a tour of the new one towards the end of the year. We met the principal, the special education teachers, the speech therapist, the music teacher, and the librarian. Overall, I think this change is going to be a positive one but we are REALLY going to miss Miracle Worker. The new school is much larger. There were 535 students in the school this past year and they had five 1st grade classes. It's about the size of the middle school I attended so it's a bit intimidating, but there are 5 or 6 other kids with autism who go there. The school and the principal seem to be very progressive about autism. The principal is even going so far as to get a sensory swing installed for his autistic students over the summer. I was initially worried about them fighting us on Sunshine's aide, but the look on Mr. Principal's face when I explained that he elopes and has been known to try to flee the school even with his aide pretty much guaranteed they will make it happen.
On that note, it's time to wake Rainbow from her nap and Sunshine is about to try using my vacuum so I'll keep you posted.
After a few months of Sunshine escaping from his classroom, the IEP team readily agreed that he needed an aide. Because the county had to hire someone to fill this slot, but he needed the change immediately, his Special Education teacher (whom I will call Miracle Worker) spent her days by his side. We immediately saw a huge improvement. Miracle Worker earned that title fair and square. I've never seen Sunshine respond so well to anyone and she certainly taught me that humor goes much further with him than anger, seriousness, and threats. She also began customizing Sunshine's work based on his abilities instead of holding him back and boring him to death. By the end of the school year, he was consistently doing reading/comprehension at a 2nd grade level and was doing 1st grade Math. Occasionally he would ask to read something at the 3rd grade level and was doing pretty well.
One thing that just reinforced the idiocy of the No Child Left Behind/Race to the Top/Common Core testing is that Sunshine's teacher told me when she was testing him at the end of the year, he had technically answered a question incorrectly, but he gave a reason for his answer that not only showed he understood the concept the test was trying to ascertain his mastery of, but that he also thinks outside the box and was technically correct. She technically shouldn't have, but she marked that he answered it correctly. With so much focus on standardizing and computerizing tests these days, there is no longer any room for educators to take alternate answers into consideration. And that's a shame. I'm pretty sure the brightest minds that we know today didn't always find the easy or obvious answer. Bill Gates. Steve Jobs. Mark Zuckerberg. Stephen Hawking. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that none of them would have excelled in the current educational culture in our country.
Anyhow...
Now it's summer and it's the first summer I've spent being a SAHM. In some ways I love it so much and in others, I get why some moms can't wait to go back to work. Most of all I see a huge change in Sunshine and Rainbow. This past year he made so many friends at school. Yes, he has the kids who are the children of our friends, but they're not "his people." He misses the friends he made on his own and it's already occurred to him that he won't be seeing them again come September since he'll be transferring to the elementary school just a few miles from our new house. We took a tour of the new one towards the end of the year. We met the principal, the special education teachers, the speech therapist, the music teacher, and the librarian. Overall, I think this change is going to be a positive one but we are REALLY going to miss Miracle Worker. The new school is much larger. There were 535 students in the school this past year and they had five 1st grade classes. It's about the size of the middle school I attended so it's a bit intimidating, but there are 5 or 6 other kids with autism who go there. The school and the principal seem to be very progressive about autism. The principal is even going so far as to get a sensory swing installed for his autistic students over the summer. I was initially worried about them fighting us on Sunshine's aide, but the look on Mr. Principal's face when I explained that he elopes and has been known to try to flee the school even with his aide pretty much guaranteed they will make it happen.
On that note, it's time to wake Rainbow from her nap and Sunshine is about to try using my vacuum so I'll keep you posted.
My Thoughts on the Current State of Education
**This post originally written September 4, 2014**
This is going to be a wildly unpopular post, but I feel strongly this message needs to be said. The education system in this country as it currently stands is terribly broken. The bigger problem, however, is that nobody agrees on how best to fix it.
When I was a child, the kids in each grade were separated into smaller groups according to their innate abilities. Those who struggled more were put in one group for reading and math. There was another group who was considered "on grade," a third group who was about 1/2 a year "ahead," and a fourth group who were considered "advanced." In my school, I was in all of the advanced groups but most of my closest friends....the ones I chose to play with and eat lunch with and sat next to in specials....were in the remedial groups. I don't ever remember thinking they were stupid. On the contrary, they were incredibly smart...they just struggled with learning certain things. Overall, however, when I look at those friends today, they show the hallmarks of having had a good education. They are literate. They have good jobs. They are making a difference in society (moreso than I am). They have basic problem-solving skills. And they work well in teams.
In contrast, I look at the majority of the kids entering college these days and they are woefully underprepared. I believe this goes back to the earliest levels of education and how the system is broken. Now, a student in any grade isn't grouped according to his or her innate abilities to learn. Everyone is supposed to be the same. I've heard this is because of several studies which supposedly proved that kids who are struggling at the bottom of the class do better on assessments when they're educated along side their peers for whom learning comes more easily. This has coincided with the mainstreaming of kids in special education. What I've seen anecdotally is that this approach is failing dismally.
I have a unique perspective in that I have a child who has special needs yet is intelligent and when in the right atmosphere, learns quickly. Here's the problem in our particular circumstance:
My son is autistic. He struggles in large groups. He gets easily excited and OVERexcited. Circle time (which is kind of a hallmark of traditional early learning) is torture for him. Emotionally, he's immature compared to his peers. Intellectually, however, he is years ahead. He taught himself how to read before he could even communicate effectively. He understands basic concepts quickly and is a sponge wanting to learn more advanced information. In the current system, he is mainstreamed in Kindergarten and here's the problem with that. The system is set up for him to fail. And when he fails, he drags the other kids in his class down into his emotional hurricane.
Imagine being expected to learn in the middle of a rock concert. That's essentially what a regular classroom is like for my son. Now, take a child who is eager to learn and is naturally curious, stick them in that rock concert, and then drill them over and over and OVER on the same information they've been "taught" for the last three years. Information that they already knew before coming to this hell. What do you think is going to happen...particularly to a child who is emotionally immature for a 5-year-old? Behavior problems. Sometimes to escape the chaos. Sometimes to escape the boredom. In my son's case, I mean escape in the literal sense.
Sunshine has been in Kindergarten for a total of 6 days now and in that time he has run out of his class a minimum of 3 times. Each time his teacher has to stop what she's doing to chase after him. This means disrupting another teacher to watch over her class while she does so. Not only is this disruptive to two entire classes, but I fail to see how this is benefiting my child either. You have a kid who has trouble regulating his emotions, put him in a stressful situation, and when he struggles or fails he gets to do so in front of all of his peers. This adds to his stress. I'm already seeing signs of depression in my Kindergartener. How is this the best course of action for him? For the others?
I have more, but Mommy duties call. Until next time....
This is going to be a wildly unpopular post, but I feel strongly this message needs to be said. The education system in this country as it currently stands is terribly broken. The bigger problem, however, is that nobody agrees on how best to fix it.
When I was a child, the kids in each grade were separated into smaller groups according to their innate abilities. Those who struggled more were put in one group for reading and math. There was another group who was considered "on grade," a third group who was about 1/2 a year "ahead," and a fourth group who were considered "advanced." In my school, I was in all of the advanced groups but most of my closest friends....the ones I chose to play with and eat lunch with and sat next to in specials....were in the remedial groups. I don't ever remember thinking they were stupid. On the contrary, they were incredibly smart...they just struggled with learning certain things. Overall, however, when I look at those friends today, they show the hallmarks of having had a good education. They are literate. They have good jobs. They are making a difference in society (moreso than I am). They have basic problem-solving skills. And they work well in teams.
In contrast, I look at the majority of the kids entering college these days and they are woefully underprepared. I believe this goes back to the earliest levels of education and how the system is broken. Now, a student in any grade isn't grouped according to his or her innate abilities to learn. Everyone is supposed to be the same. I've heard this is because of several studies which supposedly proved that kids who are struggling at the bottom of the class do better on assessments when they're educated along side their peers for whom learning comes more easily. This has coincided with the mainstreaming of kids in special education. What I've seen anecdotally is that this approach is failing dismally.
I have a unique perspective in that I have a child who has special needs yet is intelligent and when in the right atmosphere, learns quickly. Here's the problem in our particular circumstance:
My son is autistic. He struggles in large groups. He gets easily excited and OVERexcited. Circle time (which is kind of a hallmark of traditional early learning) is torture for him. Emotionally, he's immature compared to his peers. Intellectually, however, he is years ahead. He taught himself how to read before he could even communicate effectively. He understands basic concepts quickly and is a sponge wanting to learn more advanced information. In the current system, he is mainstreamed in Kindergarten and here's the problem with that. The system is set up for him to fail. And when he fails, he drags the other kids in his class down into his emotional hurricane.
Imagine being expected to learn in the middle of a rock concert. That's essentially what a regular classroom is like for my son. Now, take a child who is eager to learn and is naturally curious, stick them in that rock concert, and then drill them over and over and OVER on the same information they've been "taught" for the last three years. Information that they already knew before coming to this hell. What do you think is going to happen...particularly to a child who is emotionally immature for a 5-year-old? Behavior problems. Sometimes to escape the chaos. Sometimes to escape the boredom. In my son's case, I mean escape in the literal sense.
Sunshine has been in Kindergarten for a total of 6 days now and in that time he has run out of his class a minimum of 3 times. Each time his teacher has to stop what she's doing to chase after him. This means disrupting another teacher to watch over her class while she does so. Not only is this disruptive to two entire classes, but I fail to see how this is benefiting my child either. You have a kid who has trouble regulating his emotions, put him in a stressful situation, and when he struggles or fails he gets to do so in front of all of his peers. This adds to his stress. I'm already seeing signs of depression in my Kindergartener. How is this the best course of action for him? For the others?
I have more, but Mommy duties call. Until next time....
Thursday, January 23, 2014
The Haves and the Have-nots
I've been sitting on this post for a while, but finally have the time to put my thoughts into writing. If you've never read Autism Daddy's blog, you should. His post entitled Minorities, Late Autism Diagnosis, & IEP Meetings... is an eye opener.
I often have similar thoughts. I live in the poorest county in our state. The majority of people are lucky to have jobs and barely eke out a living. Most parents are not highly educated nor do they think much of getting an education. I sat at a Parent Advisory Committee meeting one night and heard a parent say (I kid you not), "I don't think kids should have to go to school after age 16 anyway unless they're plannin' to go to college."
When my son first started getting services at age 3, I was frankly shocked by how much and how often the teacher gushed about how wonderful it was that we were willing to be an active part of Sunshine's IEP team. I was told that the vast majority of students' parents in special education never bothered to attend IEP meetings or even contribute information to them. At first, I blamed the parents, but then I realized that most of them probably can't afford to take leave from work to make these middle-of-the-day meetings. I'm sure most of them don't have the resources we have to take their kid to specialists like we do who help guide us through the complex, mind-numbing special ed system.
But what about the kids whose parents aren't educated and who just believe a good beating will set their child straight? Sunshine is pretty high-functioning all things considered, but when he was mainstreamed at the beginning of this school year, he was struggling so much that he began having violent outbursts that increased in frequency. When the teacher (who is a 20-year veteran teacher) approached us about the situation, there was a definite attitude that he was just "acting out" and I could tell that she expected us to take her expertise at face value. She was visibly taken aback when we told her and the rest of the team, "What is causing these outbursts? There has to be *something* triggering them. Our son is not violent normally." It took me a while to realize this wasn't the standard response they're used to getting from parents and it makes me sad that so many parents don't really advocate for their child.
We eventually got an IEP in place that works for Sunshine. We also have an IEP team who is genuinely willing to work with us and I know we're lucky in that respect. He hasn't had a single violent outburst since it was implemented. I'm not sure what is causing his current shutdown, but at least he's not being punished for his inability to focus and process information. But what about his classmates? The ones who do slip through the cracks?
I can only hope that my educating the other team members on what makes Sunshine tick might help them gain a window into other childrens' behavior problems.
I often have similar thoughts. I live in the poorest county in our state. The majority of people are lucky to have jobs and barely eke out a living. Most parents are not highly educated nor do they think much of getting an education. I sat at a Parent Advisory Committee meeting one night and heard a parent say (I kid you not), "I don't think kids should have to go to school after age 16 anyway unless they're plannin' to go to college."
When my son first started getting services at age 3, I was frankly shocked by how much and how often the teacher gushed about how wonderful it was that we were willing to be an active part of Sunshine's IEP team. I was told that the vast majority of students' parents in special education never bothered to attend IEP meetings or even contribute information to them. At first, I blamed the parents, but then I realized that most of them probably can't afford to take leave from work to make these middle-of-the-day meetings. I'm sure most of them don't have the resources we have to take their kid to specialists like we do who help guide us through the complex, mind-numbing special ed system.
But what about the kids whose parents aren't educated and who just believe a good beating will set their child straight? Sunshine is pretty high-functioning all things considered, but when he was mainstreamed at the beginning of this school year, he was struggling so much that he began having violent outbursts that increased in frequency. When the teacher (who is a 20-year veteran teacher) approached us about the situation, there was a definite attitude that he was just "acting out" and I could tell that she expected us to take her expertise at face value. She was visibly taken aback when we told her and the rest of the team, "What is causing these outbursts? There has to be *something* triggering them. Our son is not violent normally." It took me a while to realize this wasn't the standard response they're used to getting from parents and it makes me sad that so many parents don't really advocate for their child.
We eventually got an IEP in place that works for Sunshine. We also have an IEP team who is genuinely willing to work with us and I know we're lucky in that respect. He hasn't had a single violent outburst since it was implemented. I'm not sure what is causing his current shutdown, but at least he's not being punished for his inability to focus and process information. But what about his classmates? The ones who do slip through the cracks?
I can only hope that my educating the other team members on what makes Sunshine tick might help them gain a window into other childrens' behavior problems.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
A little about me and my issues
Lately, my anxiety has skyrocketed through the roof. I've tried using biofeedback to relax my tense body. I've adde another SSRI to the one I already take. Last night I even took half a Xanax. Right now I'm supposed to be resting but I keep hearing Rainbow cry. I know hubby is doing everything he can think of to help her, but she just keeps crying. And I catch myself laying here, my shoulders getting tenser and tenser! holding my breath! wanting to run out there to fix it. I hear Sunshine whining because he can't stand her crying and he wants the same amount of attention we seemingly endlessly give her.
He thinks we don't love him anymore. That our love for him has been transferred to her. And it kills me. I see him and he's crushed. I know this is jealousy over a new sibling. I have nothing to compare it to. I'm an only child. I wonder if this is why Sunshine's sensory problems have suddenly magnified. Clothing that never bothered him before is suddenly too rough and hurts him. His bed is too rough. He's developed a terror of thunderstorms. And volcanoes. He has horrible nightmares that haunt him about me trying to throw him into a volcano. "It's too hot, Mommy! It burns me! Please don't throw me in the volcano again!" he pleads with me. I have to wonder what he thinks of me to believe me capable of doing something so horrendous to him. No matter how I try to explain it was just a bad dream and not a memory of something that really happened, he keeps begging me not to do it again.
I know how stressful this is for me watching him go through this. How much worse it must be for him to live it? Times like this I wonder if this is normal four (almost five-year-old) thinking and behavior or is it made worse by autism? Times like this I hate autism. I love my son but I hate what makes life so damned difficult for him.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Strangers in a Strange Land
I'm sitting here at the Kennedy Krieger Institute's Center for Autism and Related Disorders (CARD Center). I'm in the waiting room while Sunshine is off with two of the doctors hopefully having fun and being evaluated. One would think that being surrounded by children having tantrums and meltdowns and who have impulse-control problems, who are would be unnerving, but the longer I'm here, the more I find myself relaxing. And smiling. There is something soothing about being around other kids whose behavior, speech, and mannerisms are so very like my son's. It's a welcome change not feeling the constant urge to protect him from disapproving glares. To explain away his weird mannerisms. To shush him so that he's not disturbing others.
Here, Sunshine can be his strange self without the pressure to act normal. This is our third visit here and it's beginning to feel old hat. I can spot the "first-timers". The parents and caregivers who are still uneasy and feel the need to apologize for their child's lack of social skills. They're the ones glancing around and quietly redirecting their oblivious kids from their awkward interactions with others. Guiding their children out of other peoples' personal spaces.
It's refreshing to be in my element and to be in a position to offer a kind, reassuring word to these parents who are stressed out and uncomfortable and wary of other adults' reactions to their sweet babies. To tell them, "I get it. I get and accept your kid spinning and screeching and speaking in odd ways." We're in this together. You're in good hands here. Your loved one is in good hands here. For once, Sunshine and I are in our element with others just like us. Strangers in a strange land named Autism.
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Little update
Well, it hasn't been all bad. It turned out Sunshine wasn't spitting so much as blowing raspberries at the other kids to get their attention. Still, life with him is never dull. He's had some days where he is spot on and gets a perfect behavior report. Then other days....well, let's just say he has kissed a girl (and probably liked it), shoved another kid (because he wanted to be his friend), and chewed on another kid's shirt (I can only imagine what that poor kid must have been thinking).
Last Friday, Sunshine had a panic attack almost as soon as he got to school. His teacher called me apologetically around 9:30 to say she had only been able to calm him to the point of sobbing that he was really sad and wanted his Gramma. The principal managed to get out of him that he was afraid of thunderstorms. It wasn't until Sunday when I was driving to the north end of town (about a 25 minute drive) with both kids in tow and he had another panic attack that I was able to piece together what had triggered Friday's freak out.
When he was at the summer program at the local university that I mentioned before! the classroom was set up much like his current classroom with the entire back wall being windows. One morning, there was a particularly bad thunderstorm that hit while he was there and it scared him to pieces. This was right around the time he started developing a fear of storms anyway. Well, apparently this past Friday, he noticed the sun disappear behind some clouds and it triggered his memory of the storm this summer when it got suddenly dark. Once he began to panic, it just snowballed and he began thinking about everything else that scared him about the summer program including feeling lost because they went for a walk to the garden (which was outside the Child Development Center that we were initially assured the kids were never allowed outside the gates) and being afraid that me and his Gramma had abandoned him each day. It doesn't help that Gramma is no longer able to stay with him at school.
The good news is that I was talking to my therapist yesterday about his anxiety and she assured me that what I've been doing instinctually is exactly what is recommended to help people snap out of a panic attack.
Monday, August 26, 2013
Hopes, Fears, and Anxieties
Sunshine started his first day of mainstream Pre-K today and I think I might be just a bit more nervous than he is. The experiences he had at the summer program we had him in showed us unforeseen problem areas. I still didn't think some of them would be a big issue this year at "regular school" until I started filling out the forms and permission slips I got at the Open House last Thursday. One of them is just a tiny slip of paper authorizing Sunshine to walk with his class off school grounds to places of interest in the town. Essentially they are mini field trips. I remember going on field trips to the library, the hospital, and the post office when I was in Kindergarten (which is essentially Pre-K now) and I loved it. Had we not had the experiences this summer, I would expect Sunshine to love them too but now I know better.
It took months for him to stop having nightmares and panic attacks about "getting lost" after we adjusted his schedule and he no longer walked anywhere outside the center with his summer class. I'm so torn. I don't want to hinder his growth and development. I know stretching the limits of his boundaries is a good thing to some extent. But where do we draw the line? When does it go from being a positive, beneficial experience to being traumatic and causing harm? And how and when did I become a helicopter parent? Does it qualify as helicopter parenting if your kid has special needs? Have I pushed him into "special snowflake" status?
It's the first day of school and I've already emailed his teacher twice. TWICE! And it's just after noon. My kid has already come home with a "bad report." I'm almost ashamed (ok, I'm REALLY ashamed) to admit that my kid was the one spitting at the girls in gym. MY KID was the problem child who refused to cooperate during class and do what he was supposed to do. I'm just beside myself. How the hell do you control your child's behavior when you can't be there? I really don't believe that punishments for behavior that occurred hours ago is effective, but I can't just let him believe that we're okay with his actions.
A part of me wants to come down on him and come down hard for this crap. He KNOWS spitting is wrong and rude and disgusting. I talked to him briefly on the phone and tried to get him to explain to me why he acted the way he did, but I don't think he understands the question. What's more, I'm afraid the answer won't be something we can fix - like he was on sensory overload - and instead it's simply because he's being defiant because he doesn't want to follow the rules. I can't begin to tell you the number of times we have told him that life isn't always fair and you often have to do things you don't want to do because that's part of being a family or part of being a member of society. We may not like them, but the rules are there for a reason. So how do you get a smart, autistic kid to understand and and accept this?
Any ideas?
It's the first day of school and I've already emailed his teacher twice. TWICE! And it's just after noon. My kid has already come home with a "bad report." I'm almost ashamed (ok, I'm REALLY ashamed) to admit that my kid was the one spitting at the girls in gym. MY KID was the problem child who refused to cooperate during class and do what he was supposed to do. I'm just beside myself. How the hell do you control your child's behavior when you can't be there? I really don't believe that punishments for behavior that occurred hours ago is effective, but I can't just let him believe that we're okay with his actions.
A part of me wants to come down on him and come down hard for this crap. He KNOWS spitting is wrong and rude and disgusting. I talked to him briefly on the phone and tried to get him to explain to me why he acted the way he did, but I don't think he understands the question. What's more, I'm afraid the answer won't be something we can fix - like he was on sensory overload - and instead it's simply because he's being defiant because he doesn't want to follow the rules. I can't begin to tell you the number of times we have told him that life isn't always fair and you often have to do things you don't want to do because that's part of being a family or part of being a member of society. We may not like them, but the rules are there for a reason. So how do you get a smart, autistic kid to understand and and accept this?
Any ideas?
Thursday, August 01, 2013
So Many Rainbows
This year - 2013 - is turning out to be such a happy year for rainbows in my loss group. It's a weird kind of happy though because when you get pregnant again after a miscarriage, a part of you still mourns the baby that was while another part of you is excited and happy for the baby to come.
Certain dates are forever etched in your mind. The date you found out you were pregnant, your due date, the day you learned about your loss, and sometimes the date of a D&C. Then you have a whole new set of dates for the new baby and you don't know what to do when those other dates come around. Do you openly mourn for the one you lost? Then you're judged for being morbid or depressed and you're not a thankful pregnant woman (because God forbid you not be a happy, bubbly, shiny preggo!). On the other hand, if you don't somehow acknowledge or feel a twinge of sadness at the passing of these dates, you feel like a monster - I mean, who just acts like everything is fine on the anniversary of losing a child? It's confusing but one of the other moms posted a thought on Facebook the other day that the rest of us really liked:
the other baby was meant to be part of my story."
So today I'm going to celebrate the positive - the rainbows meant to be part of our lives. Today, the 10th rainbow in our little group will be born. The first rainbow to be born after my Rainbow came into my arms. I can't wait to meet her (or at least see her picture)! Happy Birthday, little girl :)
Certain dates are forever etched in your mind. The date you found out you were pregnant, your due date, the day you learned about your loss, and sometimes the date of a D&C. Then you have a whole new set of dates for the new baby and you don't know what to do when those other dates come around. Do you openly mourn for the one you lost? Then you're judged for being morbid or depressed and you're not a thankful pregnant woman (because God forbid you not be a happy, bubbly, shiny preggo!). On the other hand, if you don't somehow acknowledge or feel a twinge of sadness at the passing of these dates, you feel like a monster - I mean, who just acts like everything is fine on the anniversary of losing a child? It's confusing but one of the other moms posted a thought on Facebook the other day that the rest of us really liked:
"I believe that this baby was meant to be part of my life and
the other baby was meant to be part of my story."
So today I'm going to celebrate the positive - the rainbows meant to be part of our lives. Today, the 10th rainbow in our little group will be born. The first rainbow to be born after my Rainbow came into my arms. I can't wait to meet her (or at least see her picture)! Happy Birthday, little girl :)
The Decision to Medicate
As a parent, there are so many tough decisions to make. So many ways you can possibly screw up your kid(s). There's a lot of backlash against the medical community, the pharmaceutical industry, and parents of difficult children. And like most parents, until we were parents ourselves, Hubby and I were Judgy McJudgersons when it came to children being given drugs to alter their behavior. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Maybe you've even had the thoughts a time or two yourself.
How can those parents live with themselves knowing they're putting toxic substances in their kid's bodies? Their kid wouldn't need the drugs if the parents would just parent. Kids just need to run and play and work off all that excess energy. I don't see a real problem there. The kid is just a brat who needs discipline (or a good spanking)!
And to all the people (parents AND children) I've judged, I'm so SO sorry. Just know that Karma - bitch that she is - has bitten us in the ass and taught us a valuable lesson. Unless you're living it, don't be so damned quick to judge or even have the arrogance to assume you could do better. Maybe you could, but most likely not and it doesn't matter anyway. That person you're so busy sizing up is doing the best he or she can.
It's with great humility and even greater thought and deliberation that Hubs and I made the decision to ask Sunshine's neurodevelopmental pediatrician for medication to help him sleep and to help with his anxiety. For all of the progress he's made (and we're talking HUGE strides here), we've watched his overall level of anxiety ratchet up to the point that multiple daily meltdowns often resulting in him physically hurting himself and others were becoming the norm. When he gets to that point, there is no reasoning with him and often trying to head off the meltdowns results in a 50/50 chance that it will just bring it on faster and make it last longer.
One of the factors that we took into consideration when deciding to go the medication route was knowing that sustained high levels of cortisol - the fight or flight hormone created when a person is in a state of anxiety - can cause major health problems. This is a physiological problem and not one that can be solved by ABA or CBT.
If you're the parent of a special-needs kid and you're on the fence about trying medication, just know that you're not alone. There are plenty of us out there who understand and those who don't aren't worth your time.
How can those parents live with themselves knowing they're putting toxic substances in their kid's bodies? Their kid wouldn't need the drugs if the parents would just parent. Kids just need to run and play and work off all that excess energy. I don't see a real problem there. The kid is just a brat who needs discipline (or a good spanking)!
And to all the people (parents AND children) I've judged, I'm so SO sorry. Just know that Karma - bitch that she is - has bitten us in the ass and taught us a valuable lesson. Unless you're living it, don't be so damned quick to judge or even have the arrogance to assume you could do better. Maybe you could, but most likely not and it doesn't matter anyway. That person you're so busy sizing up is doing the best he or she can.
It's with great humility and even greater thought and deliberation that Hubs and I made the decision to ask Sunshine's neurodevelopmental pediatrician for medication to help him sleep and to help with his anxiety. For all of the progress he's made (and we're talking HUGE strides here), we've watched his overall level of anxiety ratchet up to the point that multiple daily meltdowns often resulting in him physically hurting himself and others were becoming the norm. When he gets to that point, there is no reasoning with him and often trying to head off the meltdowns results in a 50/50 chance that it will just bring it on faster and make it last longer.
One of the factors that we took into consideration when deciding to go the medication route was knowing that sustained high levels of cortisol - the fight or flight hormone created when a person is in a state of anxiety - can cause major health problems. This is a physiological problem and not one that can be solved by ABA or CBT.
If you're the parent of a special-needs kid and you're on the fence about trying medication, just know that you're not alone. There are plenty of us out there who understand and those who don't aren't worth your time.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
My, How Life Has Changed
I took a several-year hiatus from writing this blog. In the interim I wrote posts on my LiveJournal account and kept most of them locked down. Now, it feels like it's the right time to do some writing and put it out there for the world to see. Who knows....maybe someone can find some peace from me sharing my life and know they're not alone.
First, I've renamed my blog after my kids. My 4.5-year-old son I've always called "Sunshine." Even when he struggles with being autistic in this crazy world and lashes out...underneath all the anxiety is a sunny disposition, a wicked sense of humor, and intelligence beyond his years. I've taken to calling my infant daughter (10 weeks today!) "Rainbow" because she is my rainbow baby. For those not in the know, a rainbow baby is one born after the loss of a child - miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.
There's really too much to write it all down today, but I will begin sharing parts of our lives, how we deal with it - the good and the bad, and our joys and triumphs. When we started out on this journey in 2006 (when we began trying to conceive - TTC), we had no clue what we were in for. There are days when it honestly feels too hard to keep going but the future is uncertain and if there's one thing Hubby and I have, it's perseverance (and a lot of love).
First, I've renamed my blog after my kids. My 4.5-year-old son I've always called "Sunshine." Even when he struggles with being autistic in this crazy world and lashes out...underneath all the anxiety is a sunny disposition, a wicked sense of humor, and intelligence beyond his years. I've taken to calling my infant daughter (10 weeks today!) "Rainbow" because she is my rainbow baby. For those not in the know, a rainbow baby is one born after the loss of a child - miscarriage, stillbirth, and infant loss.
There's really too much to write it all down today, but I will begin sharing parts of our lives, how we deal with it - the good and the bad, and our joys and triumphs. When we started out on this journey in 2006 (when we began trying to conceive - TTC), we had no clue what we were in for. There are days when it honestly feels too hard to keep going but the future is uncertain and if there's one thing Hubby and I have, it's perseverance (and a lot of love).
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
Trapped in a Woman's body?
Apparently I'm a guy.....who knew!
***You Are 90% Boyish and 10% Girlish***
You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it.
You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive.
Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself.
You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.
How Boyish or Girlish Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/howboyishorgirlishareyouquiz/
***You Are 90% Boyish and 10% Girlish***
You have a tough exterior - and usually a tough interior to match it.
You're no nonsense, logical, and very assertive.
Sometimes you can't understand women at all, even if you're a woman yourself.
You see things rationally, and don't like to let your emotions get the best of you.
How Boyish or Girlish Are You?
http://www.blogthings.com/howboyishorgirlishareyouquiz/
Why am I not surprised?
Imagine that....I score as something from Joss Whedon's mind....
 | You scored as Serenity (from Firefly). You like to live your own way and do not enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you that you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.
Which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? v1.0 created with QuizFarm.com |
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Just what we needed.....
So we have another dog living with us for the time being. Last weekend, our neighbor knocked on our door thinking our dog had gotten loose. She had with her a sweet young lab/pit bull mix. He looked like one of our neighbor's dogs so we sent her to check with him, giving her one of our dog's leashes to use. She brought the leash back so we figured she found his home.
Nope.
When she couldn't find his home, she decided to let him go hoping he'd find his way back to his home.
Nope again.
As I walked our dog Monday morning, guess who was running through yards making all of the neighborhood dogs incensed. Yep....our buddy from the weekend. I brought him home and put him in a spare crate we had and figured I'd look for his owner when I got home from work. I created flyers and we walked the neighborhood putting them in everyone's mailboxes, but only got one response. Unfortunately, it wasn't "Buddy's" owner. I also placed an ad on Petfinder.com and called the county humane society and dog control. No luck.
Flash forward to Tuesday night. Turtle's away for the evening at school. I come home and open the door to Buddy's crate. He struggles to get his hind end underneath him but finally does and walks stiffly outside to do his business. I keep an eye on him and the more he walks, the looser he seems. I chalk it up to having spent the day on the hard plastic crate floor and put a dog bed in his crate for the night. I wake up Wednesday morning and he can't even get up. He tries, but actually can't.
Oh no. Not good. Crap! I'm home by myself and don't have any more personal days. Shit!
I call Turtle and tell him the situation and ask him to leave work early to take Buddy to the vet. He does and, as it turns out, the poor dog has both Lyme disease AND Ehrlichiosis (the same bug that causes Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever in humans). Fortunately, both are treatable with the same antibiotic and some anti-inflamitories.
We also learned the value of microchipping your pets. Turns out "Buddy" has one and is really "Phoenix". The bad news is that his current owner never registered with the database company. The number in the database belongs to his previous owner who sold him last year and moved to England. His father (whose number is the one in the registry) offered to contact him to find out who he sold Phoenix to.
And that's where we stand today. One hundred plus dollars in the hole for a dog that isn't even ours and whose owner seems to be elusive. It'll be interesting how this whole situation pans out.
'Til next time....
Nope.
When she couldn't find his home, she decided to let him go hoping he'd find his way back to his home.
Nope again.
As I walked our dog Monday morning, guess who was running through yards making all of the neighborhood dogs incensed. Yep....our buddy from the weekend. I brought him home and put him in a spare crate we had and figured I'd look for his owner when I got home from work. I created flyers and we walked the neighborhood putting them in everyone's mailboxes, but only got one response. Unfortunately, it wasn't "Buddy's" owner. I also placed an ad on Petfinder.com and called the county humane society and dog control. No luck.
Flash forward to Tuesday night. Turtle's away for the evening at school. I come home and open the door to Buddy's crate. He struggles to get his hind end underneath him but finally does and walks stiffly outside to do his business. I keep an eye on him and the more he walks, the looser he seems. I chalk it up to having spent the day on the hard plastic crate floor and put a dog bed in his crate for the night. I wake up Wednesday morning and he can't even get up. He tries, but actually can't.
Oh no. Not good. Crap! I'm home by myself and don't have any more personal days. Shit!
I call Turtle and tell him the situation and ask him to leave work early to take Buddy to the vet. He does and, as it turns out, the poor dog has both Lyme disease AND Ehrlichiosis (the same bug that causes Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever in humans). Fortunately, both are treatable with the same antibiotic and some anti-inflamitories.
We also learned the value of microchipping your pets. Turns out "Buddy" has one and is really "Phoenix". The bad news is that his current owner never registered with the database company. The number in the database belongs to his previous owner who sold him last year and moved to England. His father (whose number is the one in the registry) offered to contact him to find out who he sold Phoenix to.
And that's where we stand today. One hundred plus dollars in the hole for a dog that isn't even ours and whose owner seems to be elusive. It'll be interesting how this whole situation pans out.
'Til next time....
Wednesday, July 20, 2005
New doors opening
So many things have happened this year. Bad things. First my foot which is just now beginning to feel "normal" again. Then, this week my tooth decided to die and develop an abscess. I just had a root canal today. They're not as bad as everyone says. Actually, I feel much better now than I did before the surgery.
At any rate, even though all of this bad stuff keeps happening, I'm seeing some doors open too. Currently I'm a computer desktop support technician. That's just a glorified way of saying I'm a computer mechanic....it breaks, I fix it. In the next 10 years, I see the need for people like me decreasing. Operating systems are becoming more stable, hardware is getting more interchangable, and computers are becoming so inexpensive, it will make more sense to just replace the computer instead of paying someone like me to fix it. Of course, a lot of my colleagues disagree with me, but that's where I see my job going.
At the same time, I've never been one to stay in one job more than a few years. I get bored really easily and though the world of computers has changed rapidly enough to keep my interest, I'm feeling that itch to do something else. And I keep being led back to working with horses and dogs.
I was asked this year to head up the horse show for the local fair. I live in a very rural area which has a very small fair and in the past they had a decent horse show. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, the people who did the horse show left and the other livestock people didn't have the time or energy to put into a horse show. So they sold off all of the jumps; tore down the ring and didn't have a horse show for several years. Last year a local stable owner offered to put together a show so her students could participate, but it was too much for her to do it all which is where I came in. A friend of mine at work is the Livestock Superintendent in the fair and she basically guilted me into putting the horse show together. I offered to do it then promply broke my foot in that car accident.
This year's show is going to be really basic, but I'm enjoying it and next year I'm planning to have a much nicer show. I'm going to write a grant proposal to the Maryland Horse Council to see if we can get some money to rebuild the ring and put in good footing. Maybe buy some jumps. I've also been asked to work with an extension agent's two horses and start giving her riding lessons. I'm hoping this will be a springboard to getting back into the horse community. Training, teach and giving clinics would definitely work much better with a family schedule. You can still teach riding lessons when you're pregnant.
With my background in management and computers, I can forsee starting my own business in the equestrian community. At some point, I'd like to create a US Pony Club branch on the lower shore. Not that 4-H isn't a good start, but I just don't see the emphasis on good animal husbandry that I experienced in Pony Club. The other livestock groups might do that, but they just don't have that background in the 4-H horse clubs. I see a need for people to learn how to properly bandage a cut leg and how to handle colic.
Hopefully, I'm really seeing new doors opening and the dawn of a new part of my life.
At any rate, even though all of this bad stuff keeps happening, I'm seeing some doors open too. Currently I'm a computer desktop support technician. That's just a glorified way of saying I'm a computer mechanic....it breaks, I fix it. In the next 10 years, I see the need for people like me decreasing. Operating systems are becoming more stable, hardware is getting more interchangable, and computers are becoming so inexpensive, it will make more sense to just replace the computer instead of paying someone like me to fix it. Of course, a lot of my colleagues disagree with me, but that's where I see my job going.
At the same time, I've never been one to stay in one job more than a few years. I get bored really easily and though the world of computers has changed rapidly enough to keep my interest, I'm feeling that itch to do something else. And I keep being led back to working with horses and dogs.
I was asked this year to head up the horse show for the local fair. I live in a very rural area which has a very small fair and in the past they had a decent horse show. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, the people who did the horse show left and the other livestock people didn't have the time or energy to put into a horse show. So they sold off all of the jumps; tore down the ring and didn't have a horse show for several years. Last year a local stable owner offered to put together a show so her students could participate, but it was too much for her to do it all which is where I came in. A friend of mine at work is the Livestock Superintendent in the fair and she basically guilted me into putting the horse show together. I offered to do it then promply broke my foot in that car accident.
This year's show is going to be really basic, but I'm enjoying it and next year I'm planning to have a much nicer show. I'm going to write a grant proposal to the Maryland Horse Council to see if we can get some money to rebuild the ring and put in good footing. Maybe buy some jumps. I've also been asked to work with an extension agent's two horses and start giving her riding lessons. I'm hoping this will be a springboard to getting back into the horse community. Training, teach and giving clinics would definitely work much better with a family schedule. You can still teach riding lessons when you're pregnant.
With my background in management and computers, I can forsee starting my own business in the equestrian community. At some point, I'd like to create a US Pony Club branch on the lower shore. Not that 4-H isn't a good start, but I just don't see the emphasis on good animal husbandry that I experienced in Pony Club. The other livestock groups might do that, but they just don't have that background in the 4-H horse clubs. I see a need for people to learn how to properly bandage a cut leg and how to handle colic.
Hopefully, I'm really seeing new doors opening and the dawn of a new part of my life.
Friday, April 15, 2005
So many titles....
Apparently, I'm very confused. Over the years, my spiritual beliefs have changed, though one thing was always apparent - I'm definitely not a Christian.
I've taken the Religion Selector quiz several times over the years from www.selectsmart.com, but it always comes up Neo-pagan. But that didn't quite fit. For the last year or two, Unitarian Universalism has felt right, but it's still not perfect. I did a search the other day to learn more about UUs and found a link that took me to a Pantheism site. I'd never heard of that before but, with the exception of the whole "there is no god/supreme life force/being," that sorta fit too. Tonight I took Selectsmart's Non-theistic Philosophies/Religions selector and it said that I'm an Atheistic Pagan.
Hmmm. That's different. Never heard of that one before. Makes sense though. The whole there's a God and a Goddess thing never really did work for me. I just can't go for the whole physical beings in the sky looking down on me thing. That was the same problem I had with Christianity to begin with.
I also took the Which UU are you quiz. Figured it couldn't hurt. According to that I'm Buddhist. Well, I can kinda see that too. The whole less is more, spiritual enlightenment thing I kinda agree with too.
So I guess I'm a UU/Buddhist/Atheistic Pagan/Pantheist. Well, isn't that a mouthful? It's much easier to just say I'm UU when anyone asks though. Like when I had the surgery to put the screws in my foot from that car accident. I wasn't expecting the guy taking down my information to ask my religion. I just blurted out UU. The guy looked at me like I had just made it up. He'd obviously never heard of it. At least he didn't freak from me saying Pagan. That was always annoying. Not to mention it seemed to invite religious zealots to argue with me about my own beliefs.
OK....getting sleepy. Time to sign off now.
-Willow
I've taken the Religion Selector quiz several times over the years from www.selectsmart.com, but it always comes up Neo-pagan. But that didn't quite fit. For the last year or two, Unitarian Universalism has felt right, but it's still not perfect. I did a search the other day to learn more about UUs and found a link that took me to a Pantheism site. I'd never heard of that before but, with the exception of the whole "there is no god/supreme life force/being," that sorta fit too. Tonight I took Selectsmart's Non-theistic Philosophies/Religions selector and it said that I'm an Atheistic Pagan.
Hmmm. That's different. Never heard of that one before. Makes sense though. The whole there's a God and a Goddess thing never really did work for me. I just can't go for the whole physical beings in the sky looking down on me thing. That was the same problem I had with Christianity to begin with.
I also took the Which UU are you quiz. Figured it couldn't hurt. According to that I'm Buddhist. Well, I can kinda see that too. The whole less is more, spiritual enlightenment thing I kinda agree with too.
So I guess I'm a UU/Buddhist/Atheistic Pagan/Pantheist. Well, isn't that a mouthful? It's much easier to just say I'm UU when anyone asks though. Like when I had the surgery to put the screws in my foot from that car accident. I wasn't expecting the guy taking down my information to ask my religion. I just blurted out UU. The guy looked at me like I had just made it up. He'd obviously never heard of it. At least he didn't freak from me saying Pagan. That was always annoying. Not to mention it seemed to invite religious zealots to argue with me about my own beliefs.
OK....getting sleepy. Time to sign off now.
-Willow
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Let the poor woman die in peace
This whole issue of Terri Schaivo makes me sad. I just wish the rest of the country would butt out of the case. She married her husband and when she did, she made the conscious decision to have him as her next-of-kin. That honor no longer belongs to her parents. Right or wrong, her husband should have the final say as to what should be done.
Turtle and I spent Easter last weekend with my parents. I told them in no uncertain terms, that Turtle has the final say over what happens to me if I can't make my own decisions - whether they like his decision or not. They agreed.
That having been said, I'm going to make a living will a priority because I don't want stuff yanked out of me and reinserted repeatedly because people can't let go.
-Willow
Turtle and I spent Easter last weekend with my parents. I told them in no uncertain terms, that Turtle has the final say over what happens to me if I can't make my own decisions - whether they like his decision or not. They agreed.
That having been said, I'm going to make a living will a priority because I don't want stuff yanked out of me and reinserted repeatedly because people can't let go.
-Willow
Friday, March 25, 2005
Ouch! My Foot!
It's been 8 weeks since I've been able to walk. Part of me is pissed and part of me just looks at the good side - I'll be able to walk again at some point. Eight weeks ago a 22-year-old woman wasn't paying attention and tried crossing the highway in front of me. She said she didn't see me. How you miss a big, honkin', red Buick LeSabre boat of a car with the lights on is beyond me. Anyway, she pulled out and I nailed her at about 45 mph. Thankfully, something made me swerve at the last minute and instead of hitting where her young daughter was sitting, I hit her front passenger side door. Her daughter was completely unscathed.
To make a very long story short, I now have two titanium screws holding my foot together. I saw my doctor this week and he said that it's healing well. I get to start walking with my robo-boot (Turtle's term) next week. Then in June, the screws come out.
It still aches most of the time and sometimes it's more like a shooting pain. Now I get to buy a new (used) car to replace the Buick which died.
*SIGH*
To make a very long story short, I now have two titanium screws holding my foot together. I saw my doctor this week and he said that it's healing well. I get to start walking with my robo-boot (Turtle's term) next week. Then in June, the screws come out.
It still aches most of the time and sometimes it's more like a shooting pain. Now I get to buy a new (used) car to replace the Buick which died.
*SIGH*
Friday, June 04, 2004
Ahh...wedded bliss! Not really. I don't know what everyone flips out about. It's not all that different from when we were engaged. We still work together. We still work as a team. The only big difference is my new last name (and first name too, but that's another story).
Just a (not so) little side rant....
Why do people ask newlyweds if they're still happily married? Do they really expect things to fall apart in 2 weeks? When you've been together for 4 1/2 years and living together for 2 years, you're out of that gooey romantic crap phase. It's not like we went into this marriage thing blind. We both knew what we were getting. We've had our share of no-holds-barred, knock-down-drag-out fights, but we got through them. Really, I think that's the bond that holds really good marriages together....the ability to fight and work through it. The ability to say this relationship is worth working for, fighting for, and when necessary, giving in for. We've both been saying that for years so I don't see what a little piece of paper can really add to that.
*Deep breath*
Ok...rant over.
So it's been a little more than a month after the wedding and life is pretty much back to its normal hectic pace. Two of our friends have decided to get married this fall after finding out on our wedding day they were pregnant. My best friend (and matron of honor) found out the day before our wedding she finally conceived (they've been trying for over a year). My hubby's back in grad school making up for the class he missed this spring preparing for the wedding. And that means I'm winding myself back up to take over the household operations and keeping both of our schedules straight.
Ah...married bliss!
Just a (not so) little side rant....
Why do people ask newlyweds if they're still happily married? Do they really expect things to fall apart in 2 weeks? When you've been together for 4 1/2 years and living together for 2 years, you're out of that gooey romantic crap phase. It's not like we went into this marriage thing blind. We both knew what we were getting. We've had our share of no-holds-barred, knock-down-drag-out fights, but we got through them. Really, I think that's the bond that holds really good marriages together....the ability to fight and work through it. The ability to say this relationship is worth working for, fighting for, and when necessary, giving in for. We've both been saying that for years so I don't see what a little piece of paper can really add to that.
*Deep breath*
Ok...rant over.
So it's been a little more than a month after the wedding and life is pretty much back to its normal hectic pace. Two of our friends have decided to get married this fall after finding out on our wedding day they were pregnant. My best friend (and matron of honor) found out the day before our wedding she finally conceived (they've been trying for over a year). My hubby's back in grad school making up for the class he missed this spring preparing for the wedding. And that means I'm winding myself back up to take over the household operations and keeping both of our schedules straight.
Ah...married bliss!
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
The Wedding Saga Continues....
Well, we've picked out our rings, but haven't ordered them. We've picked out the cake but haven't ordered it yet. We've made a verbal agreement with the DJ but haven't had a chance to photocopy the contract and, therefore, haven't set it in stone. Our unity candle hasn't arrived yet. We still can't find a plain white non-scented pillar candle for our reception table centerpiece. I still need to lose some weight to fit comfortably into my wedding dress. All of this and only 38 days to go.
I refuse to panic. I refuse to panic. I refuse to panic.
This has become my mantra. Come hell or high water, on May 1, 2004 we will officially become each other's next of kin. And it can't get here soon enough for me.
I don't handle stress well....actually, that's a bit of an understatement....I don't handle stress period! Major emergencies I can remain calm and focused. Someone or something gets hurt, no problem....I'm on top of it with a level head. But for some reason, I can't deal with the little piddly stuff that makes life annoying. And this wedding is just one huge pile of piddly stuff.
To tell the truth, I couldn't care less if the favors match the exact color of the flowers and the dresses and the sky and the leaves. I couldn't care less if people are offended because we're not getting married in the Catholic Church. I couldn't care less if we get that new stereo system we put on our gift registry. I just don't care. I'm probably the most apathetic bride ever. All I really care about is people finally recognizing the bond that my fiance and I have shared for the last few years. In our minds, we're already husband and wife. I don't see how a piece of signed paper is supposed to suddenly change everything. I'm told it does. That you just feel different about each other. That the world treats you differently. Why? Maybe I'll understand in a few weeks. Maybe we'll be one of the few who just keep going like nothing happened. Who knows?
One thing's for sure. I'm never doing this again.
Well, we've picked out our rings, but haven't ordered them. We've picked out the cake but haven't ordered it yet. We've made a verbal agreement with the DJ but haven't had a chance to photocopy the contract and, therefore, haven't set it in stone. Our unity candle hasn't arrived yet. We still can't find a plain white non-scented pillar candle for our reception table centerpiece. I still need to lose some weight to fit comfortably into my wedding dress. All of this and only 38 days to go.
I refuse to panic. I refuse to panic. I refuse to panic.
This has become my mantra. Come hell or high water, on May 1, 2004 we will officially become each other's next of kin. And it can't get here soon enough for me.
I don't handle stress well....actually, that's a bit of an understatement....I don't handle stress period! Major emergencies I can remain calm and focused. Someone or something gets hurt, no problem....I'm on top of it with a level head. But for some reason, I can't deal with the little piddly stuff that makes life annoying. And this wedding is just one huge pile of piddly stuff.
To tell the truth, I couldn't care less if the favors match the exact color of the flowers and the dresses and the sky and the leaves. I couldn't care less if people are offended because we're not getting married in the Catholic Church. I couldn't care less if we get that new stereo system we put on our gift registry. I just don't care. I'm probably the most apathetic bride ever. All I really care about is people finally recognizing the bond that my fiance and I have shared for the last few years. In our minds, we're already husband and wife. I don't see how a piece of signed paper is supposed to suddenly change everything. I'm told it does. That you just feel different about each other. That the world treats you differently. Why? Maybe I'll understand in a few weeks. Maybe we'll be one of the few who just keep going like nothing happened. Who knows?
One thing's for sure. I'm never doing this again.
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